short story...

it's like a massive head rush, as i nervously  and deliberately try to slow down my free falling descent into the the green-themed (or was it nature-themed with all its white and dark green and green colors?) linoleum-covered floor, nervously and deliberately stopping my 9.8 meters per second squared journey into the earth's stomping ground, 178 cm above the surface, in front of the computer screen, clutching my head, grabbing my hair, posturing slowly on all fours, fingers running in between the strands of my black hair (or white), finding my brain, seeking my mind, looking for answers, searching my head in full confusion, dazed and  throbbing in pain, metaphorically exploding, no it really feels like exploding with the way the situations turn out, like a bomb ticking, i feel like counting my remaining sane moments backwards, with my hands grabbing the back of my head, with pain piercing, and slicing the three parts of my brain,  with my feet slowly losing its foothold, swaying and losing my balance uncomfortably, my limbering body lifelessly crashing into the hard, cold linoleum covered floor.

in between the thoughts of a body lifelessly sprawled in the floor, mind enveloped in pure darkness, pain devouring an unconscious mind, (or perhaps it might be gone too, as an absent consciousness could not sense the piercing pain of the body, or the heart ) random images floating inside the mind readily accepting whatever its fate is, away from the presence of a numbing twinge almost four minutes ago, and a pair of eyes transfixed in the computer screen, littered with images which earlier revealed the darker secrets of his uneventful youth, his exuberance producing a sly grin as he look feverishly in the computer screen, his mind reading the black fonts that form words in between the scattered images, mouse held in place by his right hand, and the left hand randomly thrown somewhere within the computer table, his left hand he once used for writing, the source of his frustrations, the hand he used to put the pen into the paper, the one he used to throw that very same pen somewhere in the corner of his filthy room, his hand with the fingers that used to grip the body of his black pen, that grip that used to feel so right before, the feeling he used to possess when he fills the spaces between the blue lines of a paper a year ago, the paper with phrases he constructed with a smile seemingly lost in thought but illumines a joyful moment nonetheless, perusing a sports article, and minutes later her profile, i successfully impede my fall by holding in the wall, trying to sit myself in the white chair, which i left behind after i stood up for unknown reasons(or it might be because of the pain in my head), my mind continues to unravel as i try to relax myself to no avail, this is it, i'm losing my mind, a crazy proposition i derived from the continuous twinge inside my head, the end results of all my failed attempts and disappointments about something which i still can't comprehend, the culmination of all my regrets this is it, the story of my life revolves around my inability to control my body weight, to prevent it from touching the ground, forgive me, i might be too late, i still haven't told you, i 'm losing my consciousness slowly, in front of you, no in front of your profile picture, the proper ending for a wasted life, for the three years spent trapped inside the four corners of the computer screen meandering lifelessly somewhere outside the boundaries of my capabilities, i'm dwindling slowly outside your point of view, disappearing completely, this is it, i will be sleeping soundly seconds before my head soundly thuds as it collides with the green design of the linoleum cover of the floor, the silence uncovers the sound of my struggle with the strange hums of the computer processor incapable of intruding my auditory nerves, i'm still awake, though the stinging sensation still bores a hole in my head, like a bullet producing air in my skull, i'm halfway, the suspense is killing me, let me see the light one last time, cherish the white light before my vision blackens into uncertainty, let me savor everything before my body, heck my whole being,  turns into a carcass thrown into a ditch in the corner of a pitch black darkness unaware of the existence of light, this free falling adventure is taking too long, the subtlety is confusing me more, my hunger strikes as the manic headrush slowly dissipates, ennui slowly regaining control of the tense atmosphere, slowly the darkness subsides, the mind winds up and take back every confessions almost three seconds late, both his hands placed frimly against the hard floor, against the certainties, against fear.

he fall down harmlessly, and his massive headrush soon departed, and he instantly forgotten everything else that happened in between his rise and fall, encroached by ennui under the white light, enclosed by the cloud inspired walls, and above the green floor. i turned off the computer, and the light, and my mind, and hurriedly sleep, a dream patiently waiting for three minutes finally felt my presence in its widely spread arms.