man sometimes reason out in the most unreasonable way that he seem to want you to not understand him. he speaks not his true intentions that you would seem to not understand, when in essence he just want to tell you something that you didn't need to bother to not know, or would seem to imply that he needed to tell you something that is not in his words but merely hidden in the words he tries not to say for you to not understand and go away, when in reality, he doesn't want you to, because he need to tell you something that he could not say and you would not understand, but he will eventually try not to reason out just so you would not realize that what he is not trying to say is merely words that you should never not hear from the words that he is not trying to not speak. this isn't to say that i am insincere because actually i am, i just don't know what not to not speak to you, or what i should, i'm terrible with words, so please hear what i am not trying to say, for i can not speak everything that i intended to not speak to you, because even in the shroud of doubts and hesitation you will see how insincere i am not.

do you not see what i am no longer not saying to you? do you no longer not understand what i am not already speaking to you? i am no longer not trying to be unreasonable, so please do not hear what i am not speaking but do not try to not listen to what i am not ready to not try to open up, i am fizzling, under the beam of light, i no longer cannot be silent or dumb, i could no longer unable to not contain my sudden moments of grief, whenever i could not know what i can not be able to not see, whenever i am clueless to what i am not able to see, i feel i really am not existing or at least do not feel like i am really unable to not exist without not knowing what i should not be able to really not feel, perhaps i could really not know nothing about you, especially today, not that i try not to think nothing about how you have been these past few years, because oddly enough, i do think about it, and yes i do think i do not know nothing about how your life have not turn into. my life that i have not envisioned is surely not unfolding about how it should not have been all along, and i love the way i stopped making sense here, such self-depreciation often mitigates the effect of the actual self-depreciation itself, no longer making sense like the reasonable man that i am really not.

life is really full of surprises i guess, and doubts and feelings that no longer try not to express to you and words that no longer mean what it should never not always could have not meant, and ears that could no longer not hear, when it could no longer unable to not listen to the words i intently not try to never not speak to you always. i reason out unreasonably falling apart awkwardly in my own, still trying to speak what my mind could no longer not try to say out to you.